In the beginning of a romance, naturally we feel very connected and present to our partners. This is due to the liverance phase of the relationship where all we can see is the good and how connected we are to our partners. Over time, however, couples can drift apart due to the many different influences on their relationship. Things such as careers, financial pressures, children, external family, childhood patterns and growing in different directions can all have a huge effect on the quality of connection between partners.
Research has shown that 65% of married couples break up over a 40 year. Interestingly, according to National Centre for Health Statistics, 46% of second marriages in the United States, end within the first 10 years. This is because people take themselves into the next relationship—all of their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and behaviours!
Unless we change, things are unlikely to change. This is why the journey to reconnect to the real self by doing our inner work and changing our perspective, is so exciting and powerful. This allows us to see things more clearly, rather than through our layers and defences. From a place of stability and clarity, we are better able to create solid and meaningful relationships based on love rather than fear.
When we put love first in our relationships, our whole focus changes. Relationships, constantly nurtured with love, will open up and flourish. In many cases, we may think we are putting love first. In reality, our real priority in terms of our actions can be our careers, money, families, friends and the children. We can be with our partners but not really be with our partners. Physically, we can be right next to our partner, but our mind and heart are elsewhere.
Ways to put love first include:
- Schedule a few times a day to text, email or phone call—it only takes minutes, yet maintains a beautiful loving connection between you.
- Spend time with each other without the phone or any other electronic distractions. Actions speak louder than words.
- Communicating with each other at the end of the day about your day if you have not been together.
- Date nights and romantic weekends away.
- Showing appreciation with kinds words and deeds. Gratitude and appreciation are the language of the soul.
When we are really there for our partners, really present with our awareness and attention, the quality of our relationships can improve dramatically.
Having processes and tools, such as being able to observe our thoughts and emotions, rather than act out on them, are important skills in terms of maintaining a golden connection between you and your partner.
The more present we are towards our energy fluctuations, the more present and stable we will be with our partners. The more stable and non-judgmental we are (with healthy boundaries), the more we assist others on their personal journey.
