Everyone yearns for warm loving relationships but sometimes we get the opposite. Fear that our partner is disloyal, will hurt or desert us in some way, for example. We can even look to our partner to fill those fearful places within ourselves. This is generally not sustainable as our partner generally has their own unique set of fears.
Conditioning is often the basis for our fears. Our conditioning contributes to how we view the world and others based on our experiences when growing up. For example, if we were loved and adored always, we are likely to believe that we are loving and adorable.
Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place. ~ Eckhart Tolle
However if our father left us when we were five, we could tend to view life in a more fearful way. If we were not supported in processing and expressing our emotions—our anger, sadness or hurt—by a caregiver. We may repress those feelings and take on unknowingly the fearful belief that “the men I love leave me.”
It is common in relationships when the initial thrill has worn off, our buried feelings surface for healing. Awareness of these feelings can assist in getting through the toughest or most rewarding time of our life. How aware or conscious we are will give us the ability to choose our actions and the resulting consequences. At this point, it is common for partners to go their separate ways as they discover their partners reactions, driven by their conditioning, confusing, frustrating or overwhelming (or all three!).
It is also possible to continue the journey together, supporting each other, as you work through your unconscious patterns of behavior to discover a new level of love and intimacy far greater than you ever could have dreamed! This journey can help to facilitate you living life in a natural, loving, and connected way.
There is a conditioned cultural belief that we will become “whole” and be happy by finding that special someone. This is actually true, but perhaps not in the way we may think.
Our soul has an innate desire to be whole, healthy, and happy. Our thoughts and what is happening emotionally in our external world (a reflection of our inner world) are all pointers and opportunities if we observe them consciously to take us on our journey home to wholeness. Your partner can actually ease your journey to peace. But only If you learn to conduct reactive behavior in a way that creates intimacy.
It is important to learn to be mindful and caring with yourself and your partner when confronting reactive behaviour. These reactions are based on our conditioning, our unresolved feelings, and limited beliefs that have come to the surface. So, in fact, we often do find the perfect partner who will allow us to “feel whole again.”. Large doses of kindness and wisdom are the traits needed to support our journey in a good way.
In balance with being able to give each other space while we work through our reactions, we may need to retrain our mind to create a positive mindset and facilitate a deep love of each other. Building truly joyous relationships with others begins with loving ourselves. This can mean learning to love all of the different aspects of us. Achievable by confronting them and moving through the fear in order to feel peaceful.
Rather than expecting, or even demanding, that our partner fills any sense of unworthiness we may feel, developing the skills to heal the unrest or fear allows us to feel strong. If we can achieve emotional mastery. Then any love we receive from our partner is just a bonus to the love we feel for ourselves.
