Our past can have a big impact on our present and future if we let it! Our conditioning adds to how we view the world and others based on our experiences in childhood. A person growing up in a positive setting is likely to grow up to be a positive person.
Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place. ~ Eckhart Tolle
However if our father left when we were young (when we process the world emotionally as the logical centres of our brain are not yet developed), life can be quite a different. If we were not supported in processing our emotions—our anger, sadness or hurt—by our caregiver, we may repress those feelings and take on UNCONSCIOUSLY the belief that “the men I love leave me.”
It is common in relationships for repressed feelings to emerge once the blind attraction has faded. Awareness of our feelings can help us overcome this challenging or potentially rewarding time. How aware or conscious you are will give you the ability to choose your behaviors and the resulting outcomes. At this point, it is common for couples to leave as they discover their partner’s reactions, driven by their conditioning.
It is also possible to continue the journey together, helping each other. By working through your unconscious patterns of behaviour to discover a new level of love greater than before! This journey can help to guide you living life in a natural and connected way.
There is a popular belief that we will be “complete” if we find our soulmate. This is true, but not in the way we might think.
Our soul has an innate desire to be whole, healthy, and happy. Our thoughts and what is happening emotionally in our external world (a reflection of our inner world) are all pointers and opportunities if we observe them they may take us on our journey home to wholeness.
Your partner can actually facilitate that journey home when the initial attraction phase or a relationship has passed and any unhealed aspects of our psyche are coming to the surface for healing.
It is vital to be mindful and kind with yourself and your partner when confronted with reactive behaviour. That is, being angry or withdrawing from your partner (fight or flight) during tough situations rather than responding in a healthy way.
These reactions are based on our conditioning, our unresolved feelings, and limited beliefs. So, in fact, we often do find the perfect partner who will allow us to “feel whole again.”.
In balance with being able to give each other space and support while we work through our reactions, we may need to retrain our mind to build a positive mindset and ease a deep appreciation of each other. Crafting truly happy bonds with others begins with loving ourselves. This means learning to love ourselves, confronting our fears in order to feel peaceful.
Rather than hoping, our partner fills any sense of abandonment we may feel, we can develop the skills to heal. If we can become independent and achieve emotional mastery. Then any love we receive from our partner is just a bonus to the love we feel for ourselves.
