When a child joins a family, that family should already stand for something. ~ Ian and Mary Grant
One of the things I love about my family is that we love to be together. When our children were asked recently what their favorite thing to do is, they said, “family times.”
It does take work and focus to always put love first in your life. It is easy to be lost to other priorities such as career, exercise, etc. I believe, however, that creating a good family culture sets a great base for all other areas of a family member’s life.
A family is where children learn their core values, such as respect and honesty. A child’s care may affect how they treat others. The culture of your family is a feeling: an essence. Is the feeling of your family difficult, harsh, critical, kind, gentle, supportive or loving?
It could be predominantly more of one or the other energies or a mix of many. Is your culture an even mix of male and female energies, if there is both a father and a mother involved? The essence of your family sets a base that can impact the rest of your child’s life.
Your family values are passed onto your children, so if you tell them not to drink alcohol as a teenager but drink excessively yourself, it undermines your integrity. If you tell children not to lie, but are dishonest, children pick up on these inconsistencies. They will feel puzzled if they are told to tell the truth, while adults are able to lie.
When parents model grace and empathy regularly, they support these qualities in their child. Children are born with these traits and it is a parent’s job, rather than to condition them out of these, to foster grace and empathy as a way of being.
Similarly, most children innately love to have fun. That is the gift they can give you, if, over the years, fun has become less of a priority in your life. Rather than jam packed schedules, full of back-to-back deadlines, ensure that you make space for excitement and plenty of laughs.
Create a life-enhancing family culture by:
- Developing family traditions: Regular shared family experiences, create happy experiences and leave great memories. For example, every Easter, our family goes camping at my uncle’s estate with our extended family. It is a time to enjoy just being together.
- Working bees: Doing things together as a family, such as cleaning up the yard, promotes teamwork and a shared sense of success. For example, prior to having guests over to our house, it is usually a really busy time preparing food and tidying. From when our children were very young, everyone would have an age-appropriate job to do. My son might set the table, my eldest daughter would help make the dessert and my youngest daughter would get the cold drinks ready. When all the guest have left, we felt united, knowing we had worked to create a great experience. We know that, as a family, we can create something more special than we could alone.
- Creating things: As a family, we like to create things together to share the joy of making things collectively. For example, we love getting creative, making crafts, painting and even baking gingerbread houses.
- Having family meals together: at least three times a week. Family meals help provide an opportunity to create a shared experience that offers a sense of belonging. Research has shown that regular and meaningful family meals create benefits such as:
- Allowing parents to know who their children are with, and where and when their activities are taking place. It also gives them aa chance to observe their children’s conduct.
- Giving children a regular routine to their day, increasing their sense of security and well-being.
- A good influence on children’s speech and literacy development, as mealtime discussions help them to learn words, understand language and build conversation.
- Reduced risk of substance use, truancy, heightened personal and social well-being and better school performance (North Dakota State University).
Creating a fun family culture where everyone genuinely wants to be together is not that hard. It just takes some focus and effort in making your family the priority. Even the process of creating a family culture can be fun as family members creatively brainstorm ways to spend happy times together. Creating a fun, family culture is one of the best investments you will ever make.
